Back to the Root
There’s a moment.
Sometimes hours, sometimes days after I’ve said yes.
A curl in my stomach.
A fog behind my eyes.
A dull ache that whispers: You knew better.
And I did.
But I didn’t know why.
Didn’t have the language.
Hadn’t named the value that was quietly being compromised.
I just felt it —
Like forgetting my own native tongue.
Like overriding something sacred before I had the chance to recognise it.
And that’s the cost of unnamed values —
Not just poor decisions,
but the erosion of self-trust.
I begin to doubt my own compass
because I never defined true north.
Stillness doesn’t always come easy.
But I’ve learned that fog is a signal —
a call back to alignment.
I used to think the problem was poor boundaries.
Or people pleasing.
Or time.
But more often than not, the problem is forgetting what I stand for.
What I will no longer override.
What I know deep in my body, even when I don’t have the words.
So now, when that moment comes,
I return.
Not to silence —
but to clarity.
Not to retreat —
but to remembrance.
Because that’s the real ritual.
Not the candles.
Not the deep breaths.
But the remembering.
Remembering what I value.
Remembering what I won’t betray again.
Remembering that I’m allowed to change my mind
when I remember who I am.
My rituals of return are quiet but sharp:
I ask, What part of me was I abandoning when I agreed to that?
I listen for the values underneath the regret.
I rewrite the boundary I should have drawn.
I make a note of what I will not override next time.
It’s not about shame.
It’s about realignment.
Because every time I override my gut,
I bypass something I say matters.
And if I keep betraying myself,
I teach the world how to do the same.
This is what I know now:
You cannot live a values-led life if you don’t name your values.
You cannot honour yourself if you don’t remember who you are.
You cannot return to your power if you don’t first return to your truth.
Not every ritual needs stillness.
Sometimes, it just needs a question.
And the courage to listen for an honest answer.
And then to act accordingly.
Even if no one else understands.
Even if I disappoint people.
Even if the voice is only a whisper.
Especially then.
